


to make you smile

by florallylly



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, but he's :( here, sorry i really do love chan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 00:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14008500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florallylly/pseuds/florallylly
Summary: and even if it broke his heart, changbin would do anything to make felix smile.





	to make you smile

12:58 am.

 

it was sunday night, or technically monday morning, and it was blurry in the way late nights usually were. like how the street lamps looked softer in the rain, but only when you looked at them through a window, or how a warm blanket felt when soft chirping announced the breaking of dawn. it was monday morning, and yet changbin stood still in the middle of the street, waxing poetic about the blurriness of the night. and maybe it wasn’t the wisest idea, but it was the end of winter break, and if changbin wanted to stand in the middle of the street, watching his breath puff out into the cold air and think, then he was going to. so he stood, waiting for dawn, drinking in the cold night, reveling in the last day of break. but then again, changbin would only be out so late for one reason.

 

felix.

 

the name fell softly from his mouth, gentle as a puff of air. and in the cold streets, came out a blurry white. changbin hurried along the sidewalk, clutching the tub of ice cream tightly to his chest.

 

1:30 am.

 

“god, thank you so much changbin” felix shoveled chocolate ice cream into his mouth, keeping his voice low so his parents wouldn’t wake up. changbin sat under the window in felix’s bedroom, drinking in the scene quietly. the soft glow from the street lights. the plush carpet. felix. felix. felix. changbin felt his throat constrict. he would miss this.

 

felix laid his head on changbin’s shoulder, grinning widely. “you know i love you, right?” the words, as sincere as they were, conjured a feeling of dread in changbin. yet still the gentle, “of course,” fell from his lips.

 

_anything to make him smile._

 

———

 

4:00 pm.

 

it was wednesday evening, a fairly normal day, except for the fact that changbin was graduating. somehow the year had passed by in a blur, and now senior year was over and changbin…

 

he felt strange. the pride and joy swelled up in his chest, almost overwhelming with how good it felt, but underneath all the smiles and college acceptances, there was a pit, low in his stomach. small, but constant, incessant, always in the back of his mind. all the “what ifs” and “why nots” and “buts” bounced around, ping pong balls in the back of his brain. and really, getting into college, graduating, wasn’t the hard thing for him. it was everything he would be leaving behind, his family, friends, the neighborhood he has grown up in.

 

felix.

 

the thought of him brought a smile to changbin’s face. and the cold metal of the chair he’d been sitting on, the plastic turf under his feet, the loud cheering and yelling and shouting fell away. and even in the middle of the rows and rows of students that made up the class of 2017, all changbin could see was the black mop of hair in the bleachers, smiling that same wide smile as always. so changbin got up with the rest of his row, lining up to the podium where his high school days would come to an end.

 

5:30 pm.

 

“congratulations, changbin!” felix pounced on changbin, holding him tightly. and if changbin let himself get lost in the moment, no one needed to know. but really, nothing new. the same tight hold, the same floral scent, the same fast heartbeat. the same butterflies. the same tight feeling in his chest. same, same, same, but this time would be different. and when changbin pulled felix away from the crowd to talk, his grip was firm. his heart, no matter how fast it beat, would not be stopped this time. it was his graduation, after all. his last chance to confess the way he hoped to- while they were still classmates, while they were still best friends, while they were still the same.

 

“i have something important to tell you,” changbin started, shyly but surely, his back against the wall of the gymnasium. the sun was setting, and even though it was practically summer, the air ran cold in the evening. but even as a soft breeze whipped around them, changbin felt unbelievably warm, his face red and his palms sweating.

 

“i have something to tell you too changbin, and let me stop you before you tell me, because i know you might not approve…” felix shuffled around, and changbin paused, wary of the sudden change in the usually cheerful boy’s behavior. “you know i love you, right? well…” the butterflies in changbin’s stomach seemed ready to burst out, and he gulped hard in anticipation. was this it? would his confession be unnecessary?

 

“do you remember chan?” changbin’s heart stuttered to a stop. chan? felix’s friend from australia? suddenly, the world stopped, and all changbin had hoped and hoped for, all his dreams and fantasies for this one moment were crushed. ever since sophomore year, ever since he had fallen into the deep abyss that was felix, he had planned, put off confessing until this day. this evening. this moment. and now-

 

“well, he asked me out… and we’re dating now! isn’t that great?” felix’s wide smile broke changbin’s heart, and despite everything, everything that screamed in him, he smiled back. gently patting him on the back, changbin congratulated and assured felix. and all the while, he hid his shaking hands. and all the while, he blinked back his tears. and all the while, his heart was being torn in half.

 

_anything to make him smile._

 

——

 

10:00 am.

 

changbin made his way to class, strolling across campus from his dorm. college life was different, but fun. and maybe he should socialize a bit more, or go out a bit more, but he was comfortable with only hanging out with his room mate and his boyfriend. minho and jisung were really nice and put up with all his sulking and moping anyway.

 

after graduation, changbin continued to spend time with felix, but once chan came back from college, all bets were off. and if changbin let felix slip away, well, no one said anything about it. and so the whole 3,000 miles of distance were supposed to be like nothing, but when changbin moved across the country, the time change, as well as the fact that he would have to wait several months just to see felix in person, really hit him hard. and maybe the first couple of months were hard, and maybe he skipped a couple classes, and stayed in all the time, just because he missed his best friend. and maybe he stayed up until midnight to talk to felix on the phone. but now, changbin was ready to let felix go. it was true, 3 years of pining was hard to let go of, but if he wanted to keep felix, he had to let go.

 

felix.

 

the sound of him filled changbin with such joy, only to be replaced with an aching pain he could only feel in his heart. but still he longed for the low, dulcet tones, acting a fool, but not out of character, as long as he could get anything out of the younger boy. and even over the phone, over short conversations and constant interruption, changbin drunk in his voice, longing for more, wanting for more, but never letting himself get it. ending the conversations short, blaming homework or room mates. so he continued to class, ignoring felix’s call.

 

12:pm.

 

“surprise!” felix was there. on changbin’s twin size, rock hard bed. in his dorm. 3,000 miles from home. and he was there. and real. and there. changbin had just gotten back from a long lecture, and all he wanted was to take a long nap, but this. this was more than he could imagine.

 

despite the pit in his stomach whenever he thought about him, despite the dread he felt when felix brought up chan. despite everything he had done to get to this point, changbin let himself fall again. back into his arms, back into his smile, back into felix. and it was easy, god, it was so easy, to forget everything that had happened. and changbin knew and changbin knew, but he let himself forget, he let himself be held, and be loved, and be happy. because a month was a lot. and two months was too much. and three months was hell. but now, felix. felix. felix. he breathed him in, savoring the moment, thanking the gods for this moment. and he knew, changbin knew that everything in him was screaming that this was wrong, but his heart had been so tired, so lonely for so long.

 

“i love you too, changbin.” felix smiled, and he was happy too, happy and happy and happy. and he was there. so changbin held him back, and if his heart jumped when felix hit it off with minho and jisung, well, he didn’t say anything. and if the pit in his stomach grew when felix talked about chan, well, he didn’t say anything.

 

_anything to make him smile._

 

——

 

2:52 am.

 

winter break, and here changbin stood again, the exact same place he had stood nearly a year ago. the middle of the street, blurry edges and blurry eyes. carrying the same flavor of ice cream, rushing down the same street, to the same boy.

 

felix.

 

the sight of him absolutely wrecked changbin. his bright smile, the way his eyes crinkled, the way he threw his head back when he laughed. everything about him was perfect, but right now, he wasn’t laughing, he wasn’t smiling. so changbin continued along the sidewalk.

 

3:20 am.

 

“and then he dumped me,” felix sobbed into his ice cream, too upset to care about how loud he was being. changbin pulled him into his arms, and despite the chocolate ice cream smearing all over his sweater, and despite all of felix’s tears and snot soaking his chest, he held him tighter. changbin hated to see felix this way, his eyes puffy and red from crying, his heart so obviously broken. and changbin, utterly helpless, unable to do anything except hold him tight, and listen.

 

“you know i love you, changbin. way more than chan.” felix buried his head in changbin’s chest. “thank you.” and if changbin felt felix smile on his chest, he didn’t say anything about it.

 

_anything to make him smile._

 

——

 

1:43 pm.

 

changbin had just finished lunch, and was heading back to his dorm when someone leaped onto his back, nearly choking him. he sputtered, his heart going fifty miles a minute. turning around, changbin was surprised to see felix, smiling and laughing just like before. and considering the last time changbin had seen felix, felix had been inconsolable, it was kind of a shock.

 

after their breakup, felix had relied on changbin on comfort, but even after a week, he had been unable to stop sulking. so when changbin had had to go back to campus, felix had pouted and whined and frowned, but he still accompanied changbin to the airport, teary and quiet. yet now, here he stood, beautiful and happy and happy and happy. a ray of sunshine in changbin’s dreary day to day life. and felix was there.

 

felix.

 

the way he felt was almost indescribable. the color red on a sunny day. soft and muted, but somehow bright at the same time. the feeling of cool water between your toes. fluid and smooth, but the strong rush of the current gave it power. the taste of rain after a long drought. refreshing and wet and cool and the feeling of finally, finally. and finally, felix was happy again. and finally, changbin was happy again.

 

2:15 pm.

 

“i forgot how cool your dorm is!” felix threw himself onto changbin’s bed, curling up into the blankets piled on the foot of the bed. and even though he was making a mess, changbin let him. the warmth he felt in his chest wasn’t new, but it had been a long time since he had felt this way. before the breakup, before graduation, they had been warm. warm in themselves, warm in each other. but then everything had left them cold, cold, cold. and now the warmth was back, and with the warmth came the memories, and with the memories came the feelings, and everything that changbin had repressed and pushed away came flooding out.

 

“i love you.” it came out, like ice cold water hitting his back, sudden and unpleasant, and changbin stopped breathing. just for a second, everything stilled and he couldn’t feel and he couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t speak. and then everything rushed forward, and he could feel too much and he still couldn’t breathe and he still couldn’t breathe,

 

“i love you too, changbin.” felix laughed, laying back down on the bed. and changbin exhaled, relieved, but in the back of his head, he was screaming, screaming, screaming. and like before, he pushed it back, pushed it down, pushed it out.

 

_anything to make him smile._

 

——

 

4:00 pm.

 

it was the end of may, the end of an era, the end of another school year. another chilly evening preluded by a sweltering afternoon, and another graduation on the same football field, by the same gymnasium, with the same teachers. this time, changbin was on the bleachers, holding up some obscenely large pictures of felix, yelling until his lungs gave out.

 

“felix!”

 

and it’s not like changbin’s heart skipped a beat when felix turned to smile at him when he got his diploma.

 

5:30 pm.

 

the same field, the same gymnasium, the same boys. but different this time. because this time felix was the one pulling changbin away, and this time, felix had something important to say to him.

 

“you know i love you,” changbin held his breath, ready for another heartbreak, ready for another rejection, ready for another year of heartache and tears. “changbin, i really… like you.”

 

“what?” changbin’s eyebrows rose. his heart stopped. his chest clenched. the world fell away, all the congratulations, all the cheers, all the conversations, were just static in his ears. all the graduates, all the families, no one else was there but the two of them. and felix. felix. felix. loved him.

 

“please don’t make me repeat myself.” felix blushed, unable to meet changbin’s eyes.

 

“you… love me?” changbin smiled cheekily, bringing felix’s shy gaze up. and then. fireworks. 

 

felix.

 

he drank him in like he hadn’t had a sip of water in years, hungrily, needy, wanting. the way he tasted was like cotton candy on the pier, cold nights under the stars, and hot chocolate on a rainy day. felix was everything he had wanted for so long, for so many years, and now, when he had him in his arms, it felt so right. and it was shy smiles and a gentle brush of hands. and it was over exaggerated winks and loud laughter. and it was years of pining and years of moping. and it was a single day of pure joy. and it was everything changbin had wanted. and it was everything changbin had dreamed of. and it was felix. and he was everything.

 

——

 

“and you promise to visit me during break? and call me at least once a week?” felix looked sternly at changbin, trying to seem almost threatening. changbin grinned.

 

“anything to make you smile.”

**Author's Note:**

> HJSAKJDHAJSDHKAS OK HI Y'ALL. so sorry i haven't been active for like. a month. and when i'm active i don't update my multi chapter! sorry everyone like. i was out of the country, and then i had to deal with taking the SAT and i know it's not really an excuse but i didn't have a lot of time or motivation to deal with writing or uploading chapters :((( but here is a short little thing a majig that i was supposed to post wayyy back in february for my friend's birthday. here is the fic,,, i'm so sorry it sucks. i love you my friend. also thank you to everyone who reads my fics! it really means a lot hmu on tumblr i'm under the same username. thank you all so much


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